I do have a really funny comment of the..
"Thats so gay comment."

I got to know a animal lover via the net...
she said she was married,.yada yada yada..
The more we talked,..she told me she had a wife.

We had a great time talking back and forth a lot.
Me being myself,..I say to her,..
So,..are you the butch one or the girly one??

She was cracking up sooooooooooo not offended!!

I say,.hey,..I mean look at Ellen,..she has a stinkin hottie!!

She says to me,..well not sure if I am really the butch one,..but I do shave my head.
I laughed so so hard as I wrote back to her and said,..I hate to break the news to you hun,..but you are the butch one!@!

We laughed and she says she much prefers "Tomboy!!"
Hahahhahaha,..it was cute!!

So she tell me,..you know what the funny thing is,..
My wife gets mad at me,..cuz I always go around saying..
"this is gay..or THAT is SO gay!!"

And I AM gay!!

Okay,..I probably told you too much,.but I thought it was a cute story...lol

I have asked friends to please not say "retarded" around my daughter. She has Autism and it just really stings. I don't get all HOW DARE YOU about it, I just quietly have asked them not to say it.

Talk like that was common when we were kids. I was never very comfortable with it but I recall when I first found my voice. My group of friends in high school was comprised mostly of band geeks, misfits, foreign and exchange students and the one black girl in our class. (It was a great mix, lol!) Anyway, one of our teachers was telling a joke and he used an Asian slur. My Chinese friend was sitting next to me and I saw her bow her head, embarrassed. The teacher wasn't directing it at her and I don't even think he thought about her being there. She didn't say anything. Most of the kids laughed but it wasn't funny. I was too timid to say anything but when we left class I was ashamed that I had remained silent while my friend was obviously hurt. I mustered up the courage to go back into the room and tell the teacher that what he said was inappropriate and offensive, not only to my friend but to me as well. I was not at all a confrontational person and I was terrified to speak to a teacher that way. I never told my friend what I did but the next day the teacher apologized to her and to the class. I learned that it doesn't take much to make a difference.

I will make sure my children know better and hopefully they will teach their children the same.

I don't go out of my way to correct people when they are obviously ignoramuses. I mean, what is the point. Is some jerk on the train really going to stop saying offensive things because some fuddy duddy lady says he's being mean and insensitive? No. And I'm not going to get stabbed for the sake of political correctness.

In my social group, neighbors, acquaintances the worst I hear is people say black instead of African American and I don't correct that because some people don't like to be called African American. I got yelled at, loudly, in public, by someone who wanted me to know that they were NOT from Africa. I have heard other people say they don't like the term African American either. Now I don't know what to say so in private settings I will say black and I will say nothing in public unless I know for sure what the right term to use.

Yes, I would want to know if I offended somebody. No, I'm not and will never be politically correct. It's my belief that society babies everyone these days. You just can't please everyone. You have say what you mean and mean what you say. As long as it's done tactfully.

This brings out the "everyone gets a medal in competition" theory. They do this in schools so nobody gets their feeling hurt. I really don't believe in that. There was first, second and third place. That's it! It builds better character to learn that we can't win all the time. Slightly off subject here, but that's the general idea.

Shot, morning glory. Shot. Hahahaha -- please don't laugh during my funeral, though.

You are braver than I am Hadley...

I also don't believe in everyone getting a trophy mentality. My kids can testify to that.
That has nothing to do with using offensive language, telling off color jokes or belittling people for something that they can't control. I don't believe in coddling but I also don't believe in being cruel just to make someone tough.

I think if something upsets you aor makes you feel bad, you should say something...because most people do not want to cause offense or make someone feel bad. They may not even erlaize they said it, but calling attention to it, even just once could let them know that maybe they need to rethink that word or just even just consider their audience. I really don't think most people are malicious, but I think sometimes we all slip up. I dropped the f-bomb in front of my DD the other day, and I certainly know better than that, lol.

This story has stuck with me tonight. That poor kid, I wonder how much therapy he's had to have? And to yell at you and your friends on inaccurate assumptions? Wow. I'm glad your mom explained to you that that woman was out of line.

Your story made me think of all the kids I crossed paths with at a time when I wrecked a knee. I was in a giant immobilizer from my hip to my ankle for months, with big gears at the knee. I looked like a Transformer. Of course kids stared at me; they were curious. I saw so many parents get outright angry at their kids for looking, and yank them away or yell at them for having a natural reaction. Seeing a child shamed like that is heartbreaking to me and I always felt compelled to tell them, "It's ok. I know it looks weird. I hurt myself and this is my fancy cast while I heal. Check out these cool dials at my knee." That always loosened up the parents and I can only hope that it facilitated family conversation on the subject later.

I had three examples I was thinking of when I asked the question. One was that I dropped my daughter off at a birthday party last weekend and was talking to the father. I had brought my daughter sushi and a cupcake because she has celiac disease and can't eat the food that was being served.

He was saying how thrilled he was that she would eat that and that he loved sushi and none of his family would ever join him He asked if I had ever been to the sushi place by him? No, I hadn't. He said, "Oh it's a GREAT place, pretty inexpensive and all the chinks eat there so you know it must me good."

I just stood there like a codfish. I didn't know what to say. I didn't say anything, I just left, stunned. Part of it was that I was leaving my daughter there, part was that there were a bunch of kids right there and part was I honestly did NOT expect that. He went on to let out a few other choice phrases that just bowled me over. Although he did correct "chinks" to "orientals" next time he said it. Insert eyeroll.

I wasn't proud of not saying anything and can't seem to get it out of my mind. I'm REALLY bothered by it-not just that it was said, but that I let it go.

That's more an obvious one that most people (I think) are on board with. The more minor ones I'm not sure. And I do think there's an element that is about coddling people and I don't want to cross that line. It would be hard to have ONE conversation where a part of it couldn't be construed as offensive if you tried hard enough. That's not what I'm trying to do or talk about. I'm more talking about "know your audience" kind of thing. I've seen people get upset about others using the word "depression." I can't find the energy to get riled up about that. But people saying, "my ADHD is acting up" when they just mean they're having trouble focusing I have a reaction to. Or if they change their mind about something and follow it with "I'm just being bipolar" I don't think that's cool either-but I'm not likely to call someone on it. There are instances where I have (done repetitively and generally not just one issue.)

So yeah. I was just curious where others stood on it.

That's where I get stuck though. Most people AREN'T being malicious and there tends to be a societal norm that people follow. We can generally agree upon things like "spaz" or "retard" being offensive. That's old new and easier to speak up about because of the awareness. But there's newer vernacular that is more "in vogue" that will likely get to a tipping point soon, but we're not there yet. That's the more fuzzy area.