Hello,

I am just kind of venting and trying to make myself feel better all in one. Does it make me a bad girlfriend to want to trade in erings? THe new antique ering project I want to start is by far more expensive then my original ering I am waiting on. We are pushing back our engagement and wedding by at least a year anyway because of some issues we were having.

The FI says Im being to materialistic about this ring. I watch a lot of say yes to the dress and crap, and he says that I am being like the girls who think they need a 30,000 dollar dress, but more directed at a ring. I only wear a few pieces of jewelry anyway and I feel like I didn't need a ring to being with he was the one who made it a big deal. The ring I actually wanted was a tiny diamond and he said after all the crap he has done to me in the past he wanted to make sure I had a pretty big diamond. He even said the other day when we were talking about it, do you think my love is based on how much the ring is or the ct in the stone? Well no, I was the one who said no rings but bands, and he was the one who didn't like that idea.

This began my search of sims and found moissanite and asha. So, we decided to go this way instead. I originally settled for my original ring because 1) I thought it would get us engaged faster and 2) It was a bigger verison (ct size and I got a cushion instead of round) of the real diamond I liked.

In the end, I feel like if we are pushing back the engagemnt and wedding anyway why can't I "trade" erings for the one I really want instead of the one I agreed too? I feel like a horrible girlfriend.

I hope it's not of out line for me to say so, but it sounds like your fiancé is being less than supportive here and actually a little judgmental. From what you said, it doesn't sound like this is really about the ring itself--the choice of the ring sounds like it's wrapped up in relationship issues.

I think it's important to make sure that you're both on the same page now. I can understand how he might have financial reservations about buying another ring or emotional reservations about picking out a new one that he didn't propose with, but do you think it's important to him that you have what you want? It should be if you're getting married. This goes for your ring and for the way you're treated in your relationship. He should want to make sure you are happy and fulfilled and be willing to compromise to make that happen, because spouses do that for each other.

Just my two cents--I'm sorry if that's more than you were asking for!

I do not think this makes you bad in anyway... You like what you like. It seems like you guys have a lot going on though. Getting engaged and picking a ring should be fun, it should not be a cause for tension, imo. Perhaps if you are pushing the engagement back and wedding back, waiting on the ring isn't a bad idea either. Selecting a ring to get engaged faster doesn't seem like a good idea to me... Engagement and marriage are so much more than a ring, and should not be rushed when they are other things going on that need to be addressed.

If you want something new and sparkly, why don't you buy yourself a new RHR or some earrings instead??

This is good advice.

IMO----- it seems as if you guys have issues! Don't focus in a ring until you solve those issues first! Yes all women want bling! And that's ok! Get what u want just see whatever issues you guys have first ! And the issue may go deeper than a ring ! But in the end if you are going to get married.... Get the BLING!

You said you loved the ring you are working on now...and suddenly you love another one?

Men are not like women. They don't think the same as we do sometimes. He may already feel like he's done what he should have done. Although you said you didn't need/want it he wanted you to have a ring you would love and he made it happen. And now it isn't good enough and you want something else. Could that be how he is taking it?

What would I do? Stop watching the wedding shows...he may feel pressure to live up to what he sees on those shows or think that you want all that. Keep the ring you are waiting for and stop looking at more. Work on your relationship and prepare for marriage. Consider an upgrade for the wedding or for an anniversary but not now...when you already have a ring almost done.

You said in your earlier post that you wanted your relationship to be like the movie Notebook. Real marriage isn't like movie marriage. If that is what you want your expectations may be out of line. You said your BF is most of what you want in a partner. Most? You said you don't trust him and would seek out some counseling/therapy to deal with these issues. I would not make a ring the priority right now.

I should add that since my cold feet post, we have went to counseling, and actually still go. It has helped. and Yes morning glory I think my expectations of the notebook movie love are unrealistic. I have also learned that "our" issues sometimes are just my issues. lol. I guess I am that crazy girl everyone doesn't want. lol. Thanks girls for all your advice. I think I'm still going to do my new project for myself, and by the time I get it all paid for, itll all be ok, or it wont. I have been married once and I will not be divorced again. So maybe my new project will be my promise ring to myself and not really an ering. I need all you girls as my besties!!

Well yeah, it kinda sucks when that happens but I think it happens to us all at some point. The good news is that when we each work on own issues we get better as a couple too.


I think this is an excellent way to approach the new ring as long as you truly feel it this way.

I LOVE this! From this and your cold feet post, it sounds like you're working on sorting out your own wants and fears, and finding your own identity and security of self. I think there is great symbolism in a promise ring to yourself. It says that you are committed to having a good relationship with yourself first, because you know those roots have to be there before you're able to branch out to relationships with others.

I like the promise ring. It would be a promise to myself to be happy with me, and work on who I am and want to be. I feel I can look down at this ring If i lose my way and remember what it stands for. A promise to myself.